Festivities!

On Tuesday I went to my friend’s house to hang out and play this game called Phase 10. Pretty tight little card game of which I am still not one hundred percent on the rules. That sentence doesn’t make sense. Roll with it. Anyways, had some beers there (Shiner Bock brewed in Shiner, TX and nowhere else) and soon it was time for me to go home for sleeping. I headed out the door with two bottles of beer in my hand (closed of course) and started down the stairs. Boat shoes and ice do not mix well. I slipped on the landing and ate shit so fucking hard. Both bottles smashed and I shredded up my arm. I don’t know how because I had a long sleeve shirt and a sweatshirt on but it happened. I immediately started hemorrhaging blood. Seriously I have never bled this hard before . I got to my car and wrapped my arm with directions from mapquest and duct taped it so it would stay on. Hard guy. I didn’t stop bleeding for like 2 hours and it was disgusting. Arm still hurts.

I hit up Wicks on Wednesday for all you can eat beer with free pizza for 10 dollars. Place is the shit. So Mikey P and I were eating as much beer as we could and these two girls were sitting next to us. Not that it matters, but they were black. One was from Spanish Harlem and one was from Mobile Alabama. The one from Spanish Harlem looked like a goddess and the one from Mobile looked like she was from Mobile and could teach us things in the bedroom that we’ve never even seen on the internet. Both were very attractive but Mike and I had a suspicion that they might be a little light in their loafers.

The most striking thing about these girls wasn’t that they were so hot or that they were actually talking to us, but it was that they were so athletic (read) and their names sounded like they should be daughtes of a president. I was taken aback because I was expecting Chantal or something a little more athletic and their names turned out to be Lauren and Amanda. It was awesome. But these girls were hilarious and we weren’t even trying to smush we were genuinely enjoying their company. Then Mike and I started thinking how awesome it would be to get their numbers so that we could hang out with them. Maybe we’d be headed to a house party at another of our friend’s house and we’d ask “hey is it cool if our friends Lauren and Amanda come too?” The answer would obviously be yes and imagine how surprised everyone would be when Lauren and Amanda showed up. They were probably thinking the same thing but reverse. “How awesome would it be to just hang out with these white guys? Maybe we could just take down these white guys tonight” Then we started doing trivia. I asked her what Eminem’s real name was and Lauren said all the states in alphabetical order. She said that meant that I had to buy her a shot. I said “no I don’t think that’s what it means.” Long story short: didn’t get their numbers but I hope to see them again this coming Wednesday. It was awesome at the time, trust me. Maybe I’ll buy her a shot next time.

Friday we hit up the old 2 hour lunch trick at Hooters with all of the CTPs and split a couple pitchers. It made the afternoon much better. Lunch beers.

That night I went to my friend Lauren Roberts’ house and we partied. I wore my fluorescent ski jacket and hope John, wherever he was, was wearing his interplanetary body gear jacket as well. I became a very powerful wizard that night as my staff was longer than it has been in a long time. I had a big wizard staff too. Then I got way too drunk. I was thinking today that my tolerance is down. I used to be able to not get so drunk. But then it occurred to me that drinking 18 beers will get you drunk no matter how high your tolerance is. Quite the revelation. I saw a picture of a girl on facebook that had the same exact inflatable sea horse from Morparty week. Identical. That was cool. Then we went to this bar called Molly Malone’s. I still had my duct tape with me but thankfully I had the wherewithal to take my pedometer off so I didn’t lose it. I was functioning pretty well although I was plastered. I started asking people who were dancing if I could duct tape their hands together. Since no one could take me seriously in my ostentatious ski jacket, many people obliged. I had an extensive conversation with the bouncer about how I loved his overalls and told him how my name was Jason and was looking for a pair of overalls to go with my Jason mask so I could kill people with chainsaws. He suggested a few places in town I might check for some nice overalls. Great gentlemen.

That is a weeks worth of stuff. Tonight is Saturday. Hoo-rah.