The old "write a blog post while drinking" trick

As you all very well know, the “old…trick” mannerism of the English language has become quite popular in the vernacular of the Dartmouth Cross Country runner. It can be used in any number of instances, and it most often becomes funnier with each succeeding usage.

Before I press any further, I must first say that it was me who brought this mannerism into common language, and not Jeff Moriarity, whom some people (Caitlin, Aryn, himself) claim. I absolutely began using this figure of speech the weekend that Gold Medal drinking camps started, and the old infamous aryn gruneisen “want to see a trick” trick wasn’t until later in that week at which time I had used the figure of speech so often that everyone began using it.

That wasn’t me digressing, that was me putting home a point that I’ve needed to for quite some time.

Anyways, the main point of this entry is to instruct individuals on the proper usage of the “old….trick” mannerism. It most often works best within a group of 3 or 4 close friends. If someone you do not know well is present, the joke may be lost on them, and we wouldn’t want that.

A good rule of thumb is to kind of hang out in the back and listen to the conversation until you hear somebody bragging, or talking about something that everyone hates, or something that everyone loves. The key is that everyone in the group needs to have come to the same conclusion and be one step ahead of the person who’s talking. Observe.

Example 1: Someone is talking about something upon which there is a general consensus of dislike.
John: Oh man I was standing in the home plate line and I saw that they were going to give me vegetables, so I switched it up and got double chicken parm at foco.
Me: Ahhhh, the old “switch it up for double chicken parm at foco” trick.
Laughter

Seen here is a textbook example of the mannerism. I know full well that John hates vegetables, and food court is much better than home plate. Thus, I echo John’s obvious sentiments with the “old…trick” mannerism after everyone in the group had already reached the conclusion that home plate sucks cock.

Example 2: Someone is talking about something upon which there is a general consensus of bullshit.
Justin: I woke up this morning and saw that I still had a condom on my dick. Then I rolled over and saw my native American studies T.A. lying next to me. Woof!
Me: Ahhh, the old “wake up and roll over and see your native American studies T.A. next to you” trick. Very old trick indeed.

See here, everyone knows full well that the story that Justin has told never actually happened in the way he told it. My best guess at what happened is that a girl talked to him in the library and he saw her later that night in a basement where he accidentally spilled some keystone on her while passing by. So in this case, the “old…trick” mannerism is used to playfully mock another in the group.

Example 3: Someone is talking about something in which there is a general consensus of approval.

Alex: Dude today I slept through my 10a and it was awesome.
Me: Ohhhh the old “sleep through your 10a" trick. Love that one!

See here both of the people engaging in conversation know how pleasant it is to sleep through a 10a and the “old…trick” mannerism is used as a way to sort of unite them in a common cause of pleasure at sleep through 10as. Hilarity ensues.

So there you have it: a rough outline of using the old “old…trick” trick. You must remember, this takes time to catch on. Nobody will like it the first time you use it, and you can almost guarantee a disgruntled outburst the 8th or 9th time you use it. But sure enough, all will slowly acclimate to its humor and begin to play along before your time is done.

Janko, Bnor, and Turro are coming this weekend.