After his surprise party, we went to a bar on Bardstown road called O’Sheas. It was a very nice time and immediately after coming inside I met this 30 year old. I don’t know what it is, but for some reason, I am really into older women these days. So I was talking to her and doing pretty well but then this guy who was her friend, definitely not a boyfriend, shows up and he is literally cock blocking the shit out of me. Turns out he works at my favorite Lunch venue, Jason’s Deli, and I couldn’t hold that against him but his being 35, balding and an unattractive gingy I definitely did. So except for my pissing under a table while sitting, I didn’t accomplish anything so I decided to go home.
On my way home I tested out my leg that is currently out of commission for everything including walking and I finally made it to my street where I saw a guy to my left who was walking the same direction of me. I literally stepped in front of him and asked him to hit me as hard as he could in my face. He wouldn’t. so I asked if I could hit him as hard as I could, he wasn’t too keen on that either but asked if I wanted to smoke some weed at his house with him. I said yes but “If you try to kill me I’m literally goinig to kick your ass.” That pretty much goes without saying. We smoked some weed at his house, I petted his cat, and noticed his extensive collection of star wars paraphernalia. Then I had to leave. I thanked him for his hospitality.
The next day I woke up, puked, and decided I would take a nap.
That night I went to a Dartmouth Club of Kentucky Party at a ‘86s house. He’s a tight dude and he lived close. I got a ride from my friend who is a 10 and lives in town because she goes to U of L. I guess I’m a pretty big jerk because when she was giving me a ride home, she literally pulled the car over to scream and holler at me. I didn’t want to hear it so I got out of the car and started walking. Luckily for me I had a 6 pack of Sam Adams and a strong heart. Here is a map of the short cut I took.
I stopped to check out a frozen pond and to frat off bottle caps every once in a while but I made it. 3 miles.
The whole time I was listening to OMC – How bizarre. I passed some kids who liked the song, and we got to talking. Turns out Bellarmine was having a LAX party that night. Iexpressed my interest in attending and we parted ways. For now.
Then my friends picked me up. At first I didn’t know it was them and when I saw a middle finger out the car window, I grabbed one of my bottles like a weapon and approached the car. After we sorted that at, we decided to hit up a bar and meet this kids I had met a few hours ago. When we met them we decided to go to this party. It was absolutely banging. Like XH highlighter party banging. So many hot girls so I decided to go to work. My friends and I were about 40 feet from pound town when someone came upstairs and said we had to leave because the cops were there. Sure enough, they were. College. The weird thing was that I didn’t feel any sense of panic at all. I was close to the oldest kid there and the pigs couldn’t touch me.
It was tight, and I’m definitely going back soon. Literally, I’m checking that street every weekend night because getting in was as easy as saying, “yeah I’m meeting my buddy Robbie Townsend” or any other fratty lacrosse name you can come up with.
After that I went home. My roomates were at the house looking like death warmed over frantically looking for their phones and taking care of some serious taco bell.
The next morning I felt even worse. I took an awesome hangover black dump but before I did, noticed the skid marks in my toilet. Girls do take shits. Actually my dump was so big that I did a precautionary flush, then wiped a bit and instead of flushing again, just covered the existing TP with a top layer of TP and peaced back to bed. That’s most of the weekend. I have something else to say about Sunday evening and the holidays.
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